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[17 Jun 2004|11:16pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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sometimes i cry for no reason. just the thought of having only one true friend that actually cares about me and wants to hang out with me kinda scares me. what did i ever do to you? i wish i had an answer. sometimes i cry just thinking of how much i like you. sometimes i cry because i know that i can't have you. sometimes i cry just because i don't know what's going on. i look at all of these other girls. most of them are stuck up and TOTALLY fake. why do guys go for them? because they have the looks? yeah, well, maybe i'm not the "hottest" girl in the world and i'm sorry. i try, but maybe i don't try hard enough. i wish i could be your dream girl. i wish that i'd be the one you fall asleep thinking about. sometimes i feel like strangling other people, just because i'm too scared to strangle myself. i have my whole life ahead of me. why end it now? every now and then i have good reasons for that, but not now. not because of you. i'm angry and upset because i don't know what to think. you let me sit here wondering. "does he really like me? or will i just be sitting here, dreaming, wishing away, getting nothing?" will i ever know? why is this so confusing for me. why do i like you so god damn much? i can't help the way i feel. and if i could. i'd stop it for real. this hurts. maybe you can't see it, but i can feel it. don't let me suffer anymore.
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[16 Jun 2004|03:53pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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music |
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The Reason You Smile or w/e:D |
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i'm so effing hyper right now.
lol..i don't know where it came from either lol
I WANNA BE THE REASON YOU SMILE!!!!!
ahh..that song is on!!! yesssss
i got up this morning like at 1030 whaaaa...
got online..and i've been on since
haha..i'm repermin my hair tonight..
and tomorrow..i'm gettin my belly button pierced :)
OOOOHHH NOOO!!! haha.
i had to refill the pool
ahh boooring.
yeah..mandi came over earlier..
SHE'S ON EFFING CRUTCHES!!!
i was freakin out.
i saw her a few weeks ago..
and she was in a wheelchair..
unbelieveable..yes i cannot spell..
i know...give me a break..lol
I WANNA BE THE REASON YOU SMILE :D
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[15 Jun 2004|03:08pm] |
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mood |
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 silly |
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music |
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Echo |
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AHH..i'm so wet..lol
i was outside..runnin..and i was on the WAAAYY other side of my neighborhood..
when it started raining..
i was like..OHHH MMMYYY GOOOOODDDDD!!!! lol
i RAAAANN home really fast..lol
but it didn't help..
i still got soaked lol
i just came in and sat down..didn't try to dry off..
i could really care less.
anyways..
i had fun this weekend :)
got to spend some time with mr david kellar walsh :)
yaaaaaahhyyyy. lol
i went over to brandy's
emily came over..
and then kellar luke jake and rober went over there too
we all walked over to lauren miller's HOOOTTTT TUUUBBB!!!
uuhhh ooohh!!! lol anyways..
yeah..then emily stayed the night the next day..
got up and walked over to brandy's
got there...then walked to brooke's..
swam for a while..
then kellar and luke came over and played basketball...
then brandy and brooke wen to their basketball game and i went home
and since then..i've been here at home.
i've been cleaning most of the day..
(that's what i do when i get bored when we don't have any food)
hahaha...ahh..man..it just stopped raining..
i think i'll go run some more here in a bit..
sammie is supposed to be comin over later
SPENDIN TIME WITH MYYY FEEERRNNDDD :)
she's so great.
well anyways..
if she doesn't come over..
i dunno what i'm gunna do.
i'm not gunna sit at home.
lol..hopefully i'll find something to do.
ILOVEYOU
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[09 Jun 2004|04:01am] |
This is molly.. lauren's being dumb.
hahah.. just thought i'd update for her.
i love her. okay bye. <3
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[07 Jun 2004|03:32pm] |
Ah...i'm so bored.
there's nothing to do at my house.
i've been sittin here forever doing nothing..
i got in the shower earlier and shaved ma legs :D
lol...me, kellar, jordan, and shelby are supposed to be goin to the movies tonight.
PLANNING ON IT..
but i've only talked to jordan today.
shelby isn't answering her phone..prolly not home..
and kellar isn't home..dunno where he is.
but yeah..my dad was here earlier.
he left..my sister is outside layin out.
greg n' his friends are in the living room..
mm..i'm bored. lol
when i'm bored..i eat..
so that's what i'm gunna do :D
don't even try it <3
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[06 Jun 2004|10:50am] |
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mood |
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dirty |
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music |
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Out of Control |
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i'm looking forward to another boring day.
cause i know that i'm not gunna do anything.
no one loves me:( lol
well anyways.
tori came over last night
she's so dumb
she was talkin to andy last night too
and he thought that it was me
i laughed....hard
well anyways..
last night we got really bored.
she let me drive her car around speedway and surrounding areas. lol
then we came back..
talked online for a bit..
then decided to go to kroger.
it took us like 20 minutes to find where kroger kept their condoms.
lol..we bought the good kind. haha
after we went there....
we went to the gas station..
ran into a bunch of people i use to hang out with.
i was like oh shit..
and tried to hide..
but it didn't really work..lol
after we had our fun..
we came back here..
we sat here..and then kaylie called tori..
and she had to go pick her up.
so yeah..i was like..great.
i'm bored..and i have no one to talk to. lol
ii had fun tho!! OHHHH!!!!
okay..yeah..i'm just a banged up..
along with falling into/onto the pool the other day..
i also burned myself.
i was playing with the bread ties..
you know..the ones with the paper and the metal string inside..
we anyways..i was lighting a whole bunch of them on fire.
then a lighting bug landed on me..
i screamed..dropped the bread ties on my arm..
and i burned myself.
when i went to peal off the burnt paper..
i pealed off some skin along with it..lol
it huuuurrrrrtttt...but it was funnie..
yeah..we went to the emergency center thingy..
i didn't want it to get infected or something.
i don't know..i was just being safe.
well anyways..my sister and her boyfriend went out for breakfast.
i didn't want to go..
i was tired :D
but yeah..i need to take a shower
and get ready to do a whole lot of nothin today!!
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[05 Jun 2004|07:07pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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Sunshine |
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ohh myyyyy goooooodddd.
i'm soooo happy right now.
okay..so heres the deal.
kellar...i've been tryin to get through to him for a while now..
so it doesn't make sense unless you read the convo..
Me: you already said who it was..i just didn't say yes..lol
Kellar: y?
Me: because..i just don't want to make a fool of myself...again..lol
Kellar: well mabie things have changed
Me: i dont know that tho.
Kellar: well u havnt tried
Me: because i didnt want to make a fool of myself
Kellar: well mabie u wont
Me: i dunno..
Kellar: u never will if u dont try
Me: i'm scared tho..lol
Kellar: dont be juss do it and see what happens
Me that's the scary part lol.
Me: i've messed up a few times in the past..
Kellar: lol thens theres the part where he likes u too
Kellar: well things change
Kellar: people forgive
Me: you know who i'm talkin bout now right?? lol
Kellar: lol ye
Me: okay good..lol
Kellar: jake
Me: no lol
Kellar: lol jp jp
Me: you crack me up
Kellar: so do u wanna do sumthin this week?
Me: yess:-)
Kellar: well my dad gets back tomarro so ill talk to him to see when im here and over there and well plan sumthin out
Me: okay..and you better not ditch me..lol
Kellar: i wont
Me: lol
Kellar: i g2g tho i like u too so u know...luv ya ttyl
Me: awh..i love you too!! bye hun
oh yessss...:D..lol
but anyways..
i gotta go make dinner:D!!!
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[05 Jun 2004|01:14am] |
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mood |
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restless |
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music |
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I have "MAPS" stuck in my head. |
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my life is just FULL of mistakes.
i would say why..
but it's just way too personal.
all i have to say is that i messed with the WRONG person..
at the WRONG time on the WRONG night.
god..someone slap me..
anyways...highlights of the night.
corrin is here..
we're sittin here being bored.
she got here earlier and yeah..
we went swimming earlier and i like..
tried to jump off of the ladder.
and i PROMISED corrin that i wouldn't fall on her..
well..the ladder broke underneath of my foot.
it flew backwards as i went to push off of it..
so that i would FLLLLYYYYY over corrin..
well guess what..
i didn't exactly fly..
i flopped!!! lol.
i half landed on corrin and half landed on the ladder.
my left knee and my left arm is scrapped really bad..
my arm hurts so bad that its hard to lift stuff up..
fun stuff..well then after all of that..
we were planning on going to the movies..
didn't do that because no one would take us.
THANKS MOM!! THANKS NIKKI!!!
goooooooodddddd...ERRRG!!
well..i kinda got mad.
and sat in my momma's car for like 10 minutes..
why?? i couldn't tell yah..i really don't know lol.
it just sounded like a good idea to me at the moment.
well anyways..i came back in..
went up to my room..
messed around for a while..(dancing..don't get nasty thoughts!!)
and then called corrin's "boyfriend"..
i talked to him for a while..
then WE called gary..
i talked to him for a good 15 minutes..
then he told me to call him back in 5 minutes..
so i did..and he didn't answer..
but its all good..lol
and yeah..since then we've been sittin here doing nothing!!
my sister is yelling at me to get off because it's 1 in the morning..
so yeah..you know the drill:-D
[you don't know the deal...babe]
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[01 Jun 2004|05:31pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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music |
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Everytime |
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:RACE WEEKEND:
...was great..
i went to mollies:D
we went walking lol
we saw pretty much about everyone.
then we met up with billy and his friends.
walked around with him.
then went to his house.
then mollie's mom came and picked us up.
then billy and his friend came over to mollie's
we watched part of a movie.
i fell alseep lol.
10 MINUTE NAP!!!!
then billy left.
did nothing after that..
aaaanndd..then i fell asleep.
lol..yeah..fun stuff.
yeah..on sunday..i came home..
it started to rain real bad.
then it got worse.
and a tornado hit in new pal or close to it.
i kinda forget. lol
yesterday..i sat home and watched movies with my sister.
uh..today..i went to school.
did nothing there.
then went to mi amigos or w/e.
and yeah..here i am!!!
i'm bored as hell.
kris n' travis are comin over soon.
i get to drive travis's new car..(uh oh)
lol..uhhmmm...yeah..if i don't go with them..
i'll prolly sit at home until the girls get back from dance.
i wish i woulda took pics from the track.
LOTS n' LOTS of people.
i had fun..but now..
i'm starving.
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[27 May 2004|05:27pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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For You |
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..ohh..good song:-D..
i waited for you
i died inside my own head
and i'd die again for you
i'm faded and tired
completely uninspired
and i'd die again for you
so kill me with the love that you won't give to me
and pad the wound with salt
i want to feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl
so now i'm on my knees
i'm searching for reasons to keep away the demons
and i'd die again for you
i wish you were near me
could feel it when you hear me say
i'd die again for you
that's only part of it..
(((((Smile Empty Soul)))))
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[26 May 2004|08:08pm] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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music |
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*American*Idol* |
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omg i love mollie. (my only friend=D)
she came over for a bit.
we swam=D...
we were TRYING to play volleyball.
it was sooo funnie!!!
one time..i tried to hit the ball..
and flipped right outa the pool.
it was great.
and then mollie kept on beating me with the noodles!
great times..great times=D
anyways...yeah..
speedway's last day was today
YOOOUUU SUUUCCCKKK BIIIGGGG BAAAAALLLLSSS!!!
hahaha..thats so great.
OMG!!! you should see the sky.
it's so pertty.
it's..PURPLE!!! and like pink.
it's awesome! lol.
oh..back to speedway.
i went to the awards thingy last night.
i almost cried.
i saw like everyone that i really really miss.
omg..and i saw kellar.
he looked SOOOOO good.
haha..yeah..i didn't get a ride home..
so i walked shafer home..
had a good little talk with him.
then i walked to megan's to use her phone..
on the way there..
i got chased by mexicans..
THEN i got chased by two little kids on bikes.
i was like..wtf..
anyways..i don't get outa school till next wednesday.
i'm goin to MAAAAAAAAAYYYYY*DAAAAAAAYYYY this weekend.
i want mollie to come with me.
sammie, brandon, kris, travis, and kelcee already have tickets..
and are all goin together.
i can't wait.
it's going to KICK ASS!!
anyways...i'm hungry..
so i'm gunna go make some SHELLS n' CHEESE!!!!
...and i gotta go watch AMERICAN IDOL!!!
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[25 May 2004|04:55pm] |
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mood |
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 full |
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Awwhh..
me n' kris worked things out.
i'm such a fuckin bitch though lol.
i started screamin at him tellin him that he's stupid for gettin mad over shit like that.
and then i lied to him..
and told him that i wanna be with him..
just to make him feel better.
but i really don't.
i'm gunna be single ALL summer long.
yesss..
P.I.M.P.!!!!!!!!!!!
yessir! lol..but that's kinda what i had to do..
i feel kinda bad though.
he thinks i like him.
i do..but not how he wants me to..
hah..i'm so glad he doesn't know my livejournal thingy-ma-jig..
that would be a disaster.
ANYWAYS!!!...i got in the tanning bed earlier..
lol...i haven't tanned in a LONG time..
i'm gettin ready to get in the shower
i'm goin to Speedway's little award thingy.
just for the hell of it..
lol..i actually wunna see a few people..
and watch how everyone will act all nice to me..
when i KNOW they talk shit about me 24/7.
..oh haha..i didn't go to school today.
my mom didn't wake me up till like 745.
i went to bed late last nite.
i was doin laundry!!! haha
belive it or not.
but yeah..my sis is finally back.
and i gots to get in the shurr..
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[23 May 2004|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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music |
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(that one song) |
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i need a shower.
but i'm too lazy to get in. lol
i got back from molly's a while ago.
and since then..
i've been sitting here.
bored..hungry..and tired. lol
i've got a weird feeling about something,
but i can't figure out what it is.
it's like a feeling in my stomach..
haha..it's weird.
anyways...
me n' kris are still fighting.
haven't posted in a while..
no one has a clue what's goin on.
but that's okay.
cause neither do i!
well..lets start here..
i was sittin with a bunch of people..
(kris,kasey,jennica,baranica,sammie,amiee,brandon,and travis)
and we were talkin about a bunch of stuff..
and then i said something about "someone"..
and kris freaked out.
i don't know what he thinks we are..
like..friends..g/f&b/f..or what..
but all i can say is that we're close friends..
i'm single..and plan on staying single..
uunnntttilll that little someone comes around.
but yeah..he was like WTF!!!
kinda scared me..
but anywho..now he won't talk to me.
he's so gay..and insecure.
i think i need to be like..
KRISTOPHER!!! we're only friends.
aww..that'll hurt the poor guy.
oh well..haha..i'm so mean.
hm. OH!!! i'm havin a bunch of people from speedway and 108 over sometime soon..
it's gunna be soo funny.
OH NO!!!
it's gettin dark outside..
it's gunna rain!!!
whooo..i love storms.
and now i think i'm going to cry.
lol..*thinks back on good times*
life sucks..
gah..
anyways..
my weekend:
friday:shamika came over..went to molly's..than came back here
saturday: went to molli's..stayed the night.
sunday: wait..today's sunday!! haha
yeah..fun sutff..
OMG!!! i love this song..
GET OUT!! RIGHT NOW!! THIS THE END OF YOU AND ME!!
or something like that..
lol..i really don't know..
i liek that song though.
but anyways..
i gotta use the bathroom now:-D.
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